Fiona's First Day


Dear Fiona, 

Today is your first day of school. I sent you off into a new world to create a life in which I am not front and center. You will build close relationships with your teachers and new friends. You are joyful and carefree and ready for new adventures. You ran ahead of me through the hall and I walked behind you and watched. When Daddy, Elsa and I arrived in your classroom, you had already put on your apron and started shaping dough into balls. Your class will have the rolls for snack this morning. I came in and knelt next to you and asked you some questions then helped you wash your hands and get your hat on to go join the other kids outside. You were so ready for your school day to begin, but didn't rush me out. I think, in your wise, young heart, you knew your Mama needed to linger a bit. 

Since your birth, you have been my constant companion and my partner in life. We have spent most of our time together doing everyday kinds of things. Taking walks, getting coffee, preparing and eating meals, straightening the house, talking and playing. We will still do all of that together, but not quite as much. You are branching out and your world is getting larger. While I know this is a natural and beautiful part of life, it is still hard. There is a part of me that wants you to never leave my side. A part of me that mourns your babyhood when you were in my arms more hours than not. A part of me that knows that I can only revisit those times in my own mind, because while that experience lives through you in your joy and confidence, the memories will fade for you. You will grow up and make new memories and new relationships. You will build a life, and one day build a family of your own.  But for me, being a Mama to you and your brother and sister will continue to be the single greatest joy of my life and the greatest gift I've ever been given. Becoming a mother, in so many ways, is when my life began.

You won't read this until you are much older and you may not fully understand it until you have your own children. My sincerest wish is that we give you the love and support you need to build a joyful life that fulfills you deeply. I hope to keep you close while not holding on too tight. Just know that I am here. I will always be here, cheering you on with pride, joy and a little bit of an ache in my heart. You are everything to me Fiona. I love you so very much. I hope you have fun at school today.